Saturday, November 12, 2011

Autumn sun

236. lingering Autumn warmth in the late afternoons, before the brisk evenings as the sun drops
237. the end of Wessex Drive, as it follows the crest of a hill, reaches toward the sun and provides some late afternoon vitamin D even when I leave work late and Daylight Savings time has already come (or gone? which happens in the fall?)
238. one of the hardest weeks at school I've ever had--not because of the students or the material or anything in the classroom but because of my own sin. Overwhelming at times and the remorse and the guilt paralyzes. The ugliness of my own sin has never seemed more horrific; I glimpsed but a bit of my unawareness of the wretchedness of my heart. But then Grace seems so much greater. And I pick up the pieces--even as I still feel poured out, broken, unable to collect myself--and do the next thing and cry curled up in the closet as I try to push past the pride and scan the words of Scripture and go back to work the next day and smile and laugh and talk and learn and grow and fall. But grace--new glimpses and new understandings--follows the guilt and regret and the sorrow--indeed it is so mixed in with them that I don't know if it can be separated. So I am grateful for the revealing of sin and for mercies new each morning.
239. conversations at work--when I'm at my worst and when I am occasionally at my best--that almost mandate community when I need it most and fear it most
240. a gorgeous sunset--from the crest of the hill at the top of Wessex Drive--dark hues vivid and crisp silhouetting leafless trees and dark branches
241. students uninhibited on the dance floor

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